Recovery – Page 2

“Beach” Bodies???

Bikini Body Season. What the f#@! does that mean? Typically, it refers to the months in late spring/early summer right before the weather is right for pool parties, beach days, and barbecues (aka reasons to put on a bikini). Since diet culture attempts to make women feel like they don’t deserve to wear a swimsuit unless they have thigh gaps and visible rib cages – women spend this “season” dieting and working out in order to look good in waterproof underwear.

I know you already KNOW that I am going to say this but – The ONLY thing you need to do to achieve a “bikini” body is to put a damn bikini on your body!!

If someone cares deeply about the way other women look in a bikini that says a lot more about the character of the person judging than it does about the person enjoying their time at the beach.

If you feel pressured in any way to achieve a certain type of body just because you may be in a bathing suit in the upcoming months remember that it is not worth stressing over because this “expectation” is simply a product of diet culture. And may I remind you, DIET CULTURE IS BULL SHIT.

Don’t sacrifice your mental health for your physical health. You are not an object. Though the media may have you believe that the only reason to wear a bikini is for others to scrutinize you.

The truth is the only reason to wear a bikini is:

Because you want to

Our bodies should be celebrated and not hated. Every flaw or mark that separates your body from an airbrushed super model is a reminder of your journey and uniqueness. You are beautiful, and “beach body season” is bullshit.

Dealing with Weight Gain: Set Point Vs. Minimum “Healthy” Weight

What is your healthy weight?

I talk a lot about set point weight vs. minimum “healthy” weight (if you’re new here or have no idea wtf I’m talking about check out this post) but today I wanted to get into the difference between them. I will also touch on a few tips for dealing with the weight gain that comes with recovery and finding your set point.

Your lowest “healthy” weight is the minimum weight that is healthy for your body according to the bullshit BMI scale. A BMI of around 20 for example (but just a reminder, BMI is bullshit, I can’t say that enough). Your set point weight is the weight that your body maintains happily without any interference. It is the weight that your body likes to be when you are just living your life, eating freely and intuitively, and only exercising in the form of activities you love to do or not at all. It’s possible these weights are the exact same, everyone is unique, but it isn’t likely. When weight restoring for any recovery from a disordered relationship to your body or food your set point is the only weight that will keep you happy for life.

weightcollage — Left: Quasi Recovery, Minimum “Healthy” Weight – surviving on calorie counting and over exercising Right: Set Point, Thriving on intuitive eating and living in freedom from numbers and scales

When I was in quasi-recovery I was maintaining my minimum “healthy” weight through calorie counting and intense exercising. Way too much space in my brain was taken up by numbers and scales. I thought that this was just the way my life would be forever because there was no way I could be happier if I gained weight. At that point I had already gained a little bit of weight from my anorexic body and was not comfortable with the idea of gaining ANY more.

Then one day it clicked and I began my journey towards my set point, but gaining weight was hard. It was not rainbow and sunshine. Here are some tips from my personal experience:

Buy flowy clothes – loose dresses, leggings, big t-shirts, track pants. As you gain weight you will not only put on weight you will also retain water, experience swelling, and possibly overshoot. Feeling your body change and expand in clothes can be very triggering. It’s best to avoid it altogether. No more jeans or bodycon dresses for awhile (and you’re welcome btw, no one likes wearing that shit anyway!)
Avoid mirrors, avoid scales – any form of body checking is futile and can be a quick trigger into a relapse. I covered my full length mirror and only used a small mirror for makeup. Despite that, there were days when I caught a glance of my reflection and thought a big fat ugly monster was staring back at me, but that monster was just me. After I finally settled into my set point I realized how distorted my own view of myself was while I was gaining weight.
Be consistent with a counselor. Nothing is as helpful as stable accountability and someone to be honest about reality with you as your brain tries to fuck with you about your body and weight.
Tell your friends and family so that they know exactly what’s going on. Sometimes people are afraid to recover or gain weight on their own because they are worried what others will think. You should never compromise your health for the opinions of others, but if you tell your friends and family then they will be aware and you don’t have to feel any shame around them.

It took me about a year to find my set point. Now that I’ve been at this weight for over two years I am never looking back. I’m at a weight that I once thought would be impossible for me to ever love myself at. But I love myself more at this weight than I have at any other point in my life. I can eat whatever the fuck I want, I only workout when I feel like it, and I can just be me and live my life. I don’t have to stress about my weight because I am right where my metabolism and body wants to be at. That freedom is the difference between surviving to maintain your minimum “healthy” weight and thriving at your set point. It takes time and patience with yourself, but it is worth it.

Food & Guilt

Food and guilt, two concepts we often conflate when we shouldn’t. How does this happen? and how can we change our perception of food so that guilt never comes into the equation again?

The truth is food is food – it is not innately good or bad. Whether or not someone has an eating disorder has nothing to do with the food itself and everything to do with the person’s perception of the food. Eating disorders are not food disorders they are mental disorders that impact the way we perceive food.

More than just people with eating disorders experience food guilt though. It’s the common problem of feeling bad for the simple and necessary act of eating. So, why does this happen? Here’s my take: our thin-centric, body obsessive, over advertised, and hyper aware culture has pounded the idea into all of us that some foods are “bad” while some are “good.” This categorization is based off of someone else’s interpretation of nutritional science and it is how the diet industry continues to thrive. Some nutritionists say eating mostly fat is best, some say the key is to cut out all carbs, some say cooked food is wrong, some say juice is the only right thing. There are so many diets and opinions out there they can’t all be right. Maybe none of them are. Maybe the truth is, “health” means something different for everyone and food is just food, whatever and however you want to eat it is just fine. But the more society and culture dictate that some foods are bad while others are good all of us are left scrambling to figure out how to navigate eating amongst the messages.

Often we tell ourselves we can’t have a certain food because of ~reasons~ so gosh darnit our mammalian brain NEEDS it like a toddler who was told they can’t have something. When you deprive yourself of something your body begins to crave it more, which means that once you eventually eat the damn “bad” food you react with feelings of guilt due to your “lack of self control”.

So, food guilt. How do you stop it?

The first step, like with any problem is to acknowledge it and recognize it as silly and unimportant. There are better things that can be taking up space in your brain. Just recognizing the phenomenon can be enough to take away its power.

The second step is to honor your hunger. Eat when your body tells you too and more importantly eat what you are craving honestly.

Finally, remove your judgement from your cravings. If your body wants a cookie then give it a cookie. There is nothing wrong with it, and eating it will not hurt you.

Once you finally begin to eat what you want without feelings of guilt or shame you will find that you won’t crave them overwhelmingly. When you do, you will feel free to eat them without the shame or guilt! It takes practice but it can be done.

Minnie Maud Recovery

Minnie Maud is an eating disorder recovery method developed by Gwyneth Olwyn. It has since been rebranded as the Homeodynamic Recovery Method. The website with all of the pertinent information can be found here. What follows is my own analysis of the method and a brief overview of my successes with it.

MinnieMaud Guidelines are the guidelines for recovery from restrictive eating disorders such as anorexia, binging/purging, bulimia, orthorexia and any EDNOS involving food restriction that I followed in recovery. The “Minnie” refers to the Minnesota Starvation Experiment and the “Maud” refers to the anorexia family based treatment program, the Maudsley protocol.

The guideline’s food amounts are what energy-balanced, non-eating-disordered people normally eat to maintain their health and weight. Meaning your minimum intake guidelines are what you can expect to eat during AND after recovery. However, you can expect to eat far more than minimum intake during the energy-restoration part recovery. (AKA extreme hunger).

The way to successfully follow the MinnieMaud program is to:

Eat the minimum intake every single day. It is a minimum intake and you are both encouraged and expected to eat more. Never restrict food intake. Your minimum intake is between 2500-3500 depending on your age, height, and gender and can be found on her website.
No weighing yourself or measuring yourself. This is the easiest way to relapse, so just avoid it completely. While I was gaining weight, I covered mirrors, threw away my scales, and bought loose flowing dresses that would fit me even when I was bloated or heavier. All of these things were crucial to me being okay with the weight gain and getting through the hardest part.
No exercise. At all.

The MinnieMaud guidelines believe that restrictive eating disorders are neurobiological conditions. The condition can be either active or in remission, but it is never completely cured. Part of remission is addressing the anxiety and guilt you associate with food head on with a therapist to avoid repeating inappropriate response behaviors to eating such as over exercising or restricting food.

So, the three steps to recovery are:

Weight restoration – to your SET POINT.
Repairing and reversing physical and metabolic damage.
Developing new non-restrictive neural patterns in response to usual anxiety triggers.

These steps can all be achieved through following the program.

I discovered Minnie Maud over a year before I finally committed to it. The one predicament about this method is that you have to want recovery for yourself in order to successfully go through with it. When I found the program, it was still available on the original Youreatopia site. I haunted the site and forums for months as I unsuccessfully attempted to recover through quasi recovery. When I finally found a therapist who supported Minnie Maud and I committed at the beginning of 2015. My whole world began to change and by the end of that year I was finally in remission.

Clearly MinnieMaud worked for me. I still consider myself in remission to this day. After I started eating the minimums within a few weeks extreme hunger hit me and for the next month and a half to two months I was eating between 5000-10000 calories a day, sometimes more. It was like I had a hunger deep inside me that could never be satisfied. Then that eventually calmed down and I kept eating to the minimums. I love the concept of a minimum intake because it completely flipped the script from what I had been implementing for years. Instead of being afraid of going over a certain number, I now had absolutely no limit! It is a freeing feeling. I felt the healing relationship to food. I felt the physical transformation. I felt the eating disorder disappear into the furthest, darkest corner of my brain.

Left: Jan 2015, just deciding to do MM. Sad, thin, empty, confused, miserable. Right: Sep 2015, VERY happily enjoying my summer 9 months into MM and 4 dress sizes bigger. Happy, social, free.

If you are considering this method of recovery I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you are still not sold, do the research on it yourself. That’s what I did and it was more than enough to convince me. People can say what they want about Minnie Maud but they cannot argue with a success story like mine and the many others out there. The best way to fight food restriction is with food. Food is medicine, it keeps us alive, and none of us are born with issues about it. MinnieMaud finally allowed me to remember what it was like to have a normal relationship with food and my body, it taught me so much about being a kinder compassionate human both to myself and to others. It allowed me to find myself again after years of hiding being an eating disorder and for that I am eternally grateful.

The Minnesota Starvation Experiment

The Minnesota Starvation Experiment was a study done by Ancel Keys in the late 1940s to study the effects of famine on war torn countries in Europe post World War Two. Besides fulfilling its intended purpose – the study also ended up shedding the first light on how dieting and food restriction effects the human body.

Here is an overview of how the experiment worked:

The subjects were all men. First, they were studied under a 12-week control period in which they were fed a standard diet of 3200 calories. During this time their psychological and physiological states were measured in order to determine each subject’s baseline condition. At this phase each man was at their natural weight, which they all maintained on the control diet they were fed.

The next phase was the starvation period. For the following 24 weeks all of the men’s diets were cut by approximately half to 1570 calories per day. It was during this phase that the behavior of the subjects began to change drastically. They all began presenting symptoms that we commonly associate with chronic dieters or anorexia sufferers today. Some of the symptoms observed included:

A decrease in strength and energy
Apathy towards everything except for food
A sudden and intense interest in food displayed through reading cookbooks for fun and to stare at the pictures
They took advantage of being allowed to chew gum by chewing packs and packs of it per day, and they guzzled coffee and water to stave off feelings of hunger
They became irritable around meal times
Many men became depressed
They lost weight (obviously)
Their heart rates decreased
They felt dizzy
They felt lethargic
They were constantly cold
Almost all subjects experienced body dysmorphic disorder and were unable to recognize how much weight they had actually lost

The next phase of the experiment was the recovery period. The men were split into four subgroups and each group ate a different caloric intake to recover from the symptoms of starvation. The first group ate 1970 calories, the second 2370 calories, the third 2770 calories, and final the fourth ate 3170 calories. Even with the increase in calories all of the men were still left feeling hungry or starving. These increased intakes were not helping and specifically the men in the lowest group were not feeling better AT ALL. In light of this discovery Ancel Keys decided to add 800 calories to each groups intake. Eventually he observed that the only factor helping these men recover was providing them way more food than he initially thought would be necessary. He concluded that a person needs at least 4000 calories a day to recover and rebuild their strength.

After the recovery period was over the men were free to eat whatever they pleased, but Keys continued to observe a small handful of them. He observed that most subjects continued to eat thousands and thousands of calories a day (12,000+ in some cases) for many months. Many subjects reported to have an unending, insatiable, hunger months after the experiment ended. As the subjects allowed themselves to re-feed through eating to their extreme hunger, their metabolisms began to heal, their strength returned, and many of the symptoms of starvation began to vanish. Although to the layman it may appear that these men were massively “overeating” it became extremely evident that their bodies requires this seemingly inordinate amount of food to fully heal all of the damage.

On average the men regained their weight back to what it had been previously plus 10%. You may identify this as an overshoot. With unlimited food and unrestricted eating eventually their weight plateaued and about nine months later all of them were back to the weight they had been at the very beginning of the experiment. This is one of the first documented and analyzed cases of a body’s “set point.” Despite the original fear that all of this unrestrained eating would cause infinite and exponential weight gain, that proved to not be true. This experiment demonstrated that over eating and starvation induced hunger only presented as long as a body was below its set point.

And that was the Minnesota Starvation Experiment. It’s fascinating because just a cursory analysis of the study demonstrates how insanely harmful caloric restriction is on the human body. As you may note, all of the symptoms that the men experience in the starvation phase are eerily similar the symptoms felt by eating disorder sufferers and chronic dieters. Sadly, most people who struggle with a disordered relationship to food today are often eating even less than the subjects of this study were. A typical dietary recommendation for people seeking to lose weight is often a caloric total lower than the 1,580 calories the study subjects ate. It is important to recognize that these “dietary guidelines” are dangerously low, unsustainable, and unrealistic amounts that should not be practiced.

Furthermore if you are stuck trying to recover from yo-yo dieting, binging and purging, restrictive eating, or any other disordered relationship to food this study gives you an excellent blue print for how to recover. This was the science that I read when I decided to go all in on recovery using the Minnie Maud method. This science validates that method of recovery (and now so does my own lived experience with it).

Please feel free to watch my video below for a synopses of the information above along with an outline of my own experience and my results from using this method to recover from anorexia.

Relationships in Eating Disorders and Recovery

Happy Valentines Day to all of you! I hope you have a wonderful day celebrating all of the love in your life. Love between family, friends, pets, and romantic partners! Being in a romantic relationship while suffering or recovering from an eating disorder is not an easy task. Often it is difficult for a partner to handle the stresses of the disorder by watching their loved one hurt themselves emotionally or physically. I’ve been with people through every stage of my journey and here is what I’ve learned.

When I got sick I was dating my now ex-boyfriend. Our relationship was long distance and he was with me when I developed anorexia, suffered from it, and made my first few attempts at recovery. Overall, he handled it pretty well and was very supportive but over time the stress and seemingly unending pain started to wear him down and after dating for almost three years he left me. (Whatever, I’m too good for him so it’s cool). From that experience I learned the following tips:

It’s okay to tell your partner what is going on with you and keep them included, but don’t turn them into your personal therapist. Don’t put absolutely every burden you are dealing with onto them (remember a lot of these thoughts are not your own, but originate from the disorder). A person may love you but everyone has their limits and one person cannot be responsible for handling all of your problems.
Allow them to cope however they need to. Everyone handles stressful and difficult situations differently and there is nothing wrong with that.
Don’t blame them for trying to help. Even if the help is unwarranted or not actually helpful. If you feel your partner trying to help you, be an effective communicator about what would be the best way for them to do that.
Make sure your partner can handle the stress of loving someone with a mental disorder. Sometimes people just can’t, and you cannot put your entire reasons for happiness into your faith in another being. You need to be okay relying on yourself and paid professionals.

I have been with my current partner for a little over 2 years and we are as happy as can be. I’m writing this as I stare at the beautiful flowers he had sent to my office. I am lucky to be recovered and to rarely ever flirt with a relapse, but nonetheless I now have the tools to be able to handle our relationship in a more mature way.

Happy valentines day everybody! Hold your person close, they love you (even if your person is your mom or your cat).

Quasi-Recovery

Quasi-recovery is a point in recovery where weight has been restored, but your body and mind have not been fully healed. It is a halfway point to real recovery. While you may be at a “healthy” weight, you may not be at the right weight for your body. You might be in quasi-recovery if you are still fixated on calories and are still restricting (even if your restricting to higher amounts like 2000-2500 a day), if you’re exercising for the purposes of maintaining your weight, if you have not given into extreme hunger or mental hunger, if you still have a fear of gaining weight, or if the ED voices have not stopped.

DC5F2300-D471-46C8-979B-DCD96637AB0B — Top picture – Summer 2014, Deeply in quasi recovery, exercising to maintain my weight, counting and restricting calories, still feeling trapped by food Bottom picture – Summer 2017 in full recovery for almost 2 years, little to no exercise, unlimited calories, free of all eating disorder behavior/thoughts

I was stuck in quasi-recovery for over a year. I was convinced I was recovered because I had gained a few pounds, could eat more calories, and wasn’t starving myself anymore. But the truth is I was just as sick as ever, still obsessed with numbers and worried about maintaining my weight. The obsessive thoughts hadn’t stopped and that was because I had not truly let myself recover. The most dangerous thing about being in this state is that it is very very easy to relapse because you are on the edge of letting yourself truly recover, and falling back into old habits. I relapsed several times during my quasi-recovery. When you’re here your body still hasn’t found its homeostasis that it can happily maintain because the truth is, when you’re in quasi recovery your metabolism hasn’t healed. Even though you’re eating more, you’re still restricting your body from what it needs to find it’s set point which is why you will gain weight on lower numbers. The only way to stop this is to truly recover.

To truly recover means to give into the mental hunger, to stop restricting any calories by eating at least 3500 a day, to stop working out, and to let your body gain more weight than you may be initially comfortable with. As you know if you are familiar with me, my blog, or my youtube channel I recovered this way using the minniemaud method. The information that this approach derived its methodology from was the Minnesota starvation experiment. This experiment was the only in-depth study on calorie restriction’s effects and how re-feeding works. Following the logic of minniemaud is what allowed me to finally decide to truly recover and it is through my own personal experience and the experience of many other girls I met through my journey that I can confidently say it is the only way you will ever truly free yourself because if you are stuck in quasi, you are not truly free.

Will you gain weight in real recovery? Yes.
Will you overshoot your set point? You might.
Will you experience extreme hunger? Definitely, although how intense and for how long depends on how intensely and for how long you were restricting yourself.
Will you finally be set free of the control numbers and food has over your life? Yes.
Will you claim your life, soul, and energy back? 100%
Will your body eventually naturally settle at its set point? Absolutely.

Quasi recovery is a dangerous place to be. If you are there then it is time to take your life back and take the dive into a full and honest recovery now. The longer you stay in quasi, the longer and harder a real recovery will be.

How To Stop Counting Calories

There was a point in my life where I figured I would just be stuck counting calories forever, resigned to a life of sadness and disordered behavior. However, this proved to be untrue as I transitioned from a religious calorie counter to an intuitive eater – and you can too.

When you stop counting calories, you start enjoying and experiencing your food for its texture and flavor instead of as just a number. Eating becomes pleasurable when you aren’t constantly measuring, calculating, tracking, and obsessing over the food on your plate. You’ll open up space in your brain to focus on things that actually matter. You’ll be able to start eating intuitively by creating a stronger relationship to your body’s cravings and the food you eat. Obsession with food will fall by the wayside.

The truth is, no matter how accurate you think your calculations are using your BMI, TDEE, BMR, etc. to calculate the right amount of calories for you – there is no way to truly know as every single body is different. More to the point, without going crazy it is completely impossible to accurately know the calories of every food you eat. Remember, all a calorie is is a unit of energy and our bodies NEED energy to live. So here are some tips to stop counting calories forever.

GET RID OF CALORIE TRACKERS
This is a big one. I tracked all of my calories on “My Fitness Pal” but there are many others like it. Cronometer, Lose It, Fat Secret, etc. These apps were built to count calories so the best first step for a life without this burden is to get rid of them! If you aren’t using an app than get rid of whatever device you use to track the numbers. A notebook, planner, journal, or word document. Delete it, burn it, or have a friend drive 20 miles away and throw it in a dumpster. Getting that out of your life is a crucial first step.

GO OUT TO EAT AT RESTAURANTS
Most restaurants are impossible to gauge to calories for because you don’t know everything that goes into the food preparation. It helps to make sure you are with a friend or family member that can keep you distracted from trying to break down and calculate the meal components. If you are financially incapable of dining out, that’s alright – just have a friend or family member cook a meal for you without telling you what is in it. This is essentially the same concept. You are looking to let go of the tightly wound control you have to maintain while counting calories by letting go of the control over food prep.

BLOCK OUT NUTRITION LABELS
Take a sharpie and cover them up so that you can’t look at them obsessively. Go grocery shopping in bulk bins or for items that don’t have nutrition labels on them at local shops of farmers markets. Pick food for flavor and not for numbers.

HAVE FAITH YOURSELF TO EAT INTUITIVELY, BUT BE PATIENT
We are all born knowing how to eat. Your body knows what it needs and it is not trying to sabotage you. It loves you and want to keep you alive, return the favor to it. Eating intuitively takes practice but it is completely achievable for all of us since it is the way we are supposed to eat. Remember that it will take time as well because you are breaking a very bad habit – and habits are not broken overnight.

If any of these steps seem impossible or overwhelming than feel free to take it slow. I know how daunting and unreasonable these may seem – but if you implement these tactics into just one meal a day at first, and then slowly increase, you will eventually get there. Take it from a girl who used to count the calories in gum – you can do this!

Atypical Anorexia and Weight Stigmas

Atypical anorexia is a disorder classified by exhibiting all of the symptoms of anorexia without being underweight. Atypical anorexia falls under OSFED or other specified feeding or eating disorders, previously known as EDNOS (eating disorders not otherwise specified). When I was sick I did not want to seek treatment because my BMI wasn’t technically underweight and I thought my concerns wouldn’t be taken seriously. But a person can have an eating disorder regardless of their size, shape, or weight. Also BMI is Bullshit, but I didn’t know that then.

Due to the weight stigma surrounding anorexia a person may think, I am not sick enough to have an eating disorder, because they are a “normal” weight. This is a grave misunderstanding that can prevent those who are struggling from seeking out the appropriate help needed for recovery.

Please remember that weight is not an essential criteria for an eating disorder. We need to challenge the weight stigma surrounding deadly diseases so that more people feel okay speaking out about their struggles.

I fear this happens to countless people, specifically women who have disordered relationships to their bodies and food after being brainwashed by diet culture. You can be a normal weight and still be struggling with an eating disorder. There is no one type of way to look if you are sick. If you have found yourself struggling with irregular eating patterns or abnormal thoughts when it comes to your body and food, be sure to talk with someone you trust.

You are not alone, you are not being dramatic, you do not need to look a certain way to be suffering, and you can recover.

New Years Resolutions (That Aren’t Weight Loss)

New Years Resolutions. Every year we see people around this time of year resolve to make a change in the next year, and unfortunately that change usually surrounds weight loss. Thousands of people determined to shed what they consider unnecessary weight typically through methods that are dangerous manifestations of the corporate, money grubbing, health ignorant, diet culture pervasive in our society.

Instead of resolving to change your beautiful body why not focus on something else this year? I’ve compiled a few ideas here.

Save Money
This is a great resolution because it’s easy to keep track of. At the end of the year it’s so gratifying to check your savings account and see your success! Plus you gain something valuable through it.

School Related
Maybe your aiming to work hard to get into college, or a graduate program. Maybe you need to focus on getting straight A’s all year. Achieving academic success is valuable, productive, and a good goal to execute.

New Hobby
Perhaps you want to start playing an instrument, or learn how to cook, or become really skilled at makeup? These are all great resolutions to work on! Starting a skill you’ve always wanted to master is an excellent and worthwhile goal.

Eco Friendly
You could make the decision to switch to veganism for the earth, the animals, and yourself. You could work on reducing your trash waste or converting to minimalism.

Mental Health
You could practice positive self affirmations and body positivity by working to truly love and accept your body for all that it is and all that it does for you. You could decide to seek help from a therapist, or vow to be more open about your struggles.

Finally, if you are suffering from an eating disorder this is the year that your resolution is to truly and honestly recover. No more quasi, no more excuses, no more reasons to wait. Recovering from an eating disorder started with a NY resolution for me in 2015 and in that year I started Minnie Maud, gained all my weight back, graduated from college, met amazing friends, had unforgettable experiences, started my career, and met my boyfriend. There is no greater choice than the choice to recover and get your life back. Make your year 2018.

No matter what your 2017 was like, it’s time to look ahead – and when you pick a resolution (if you even want to) make sure you focus on the things in life that matter, your relationships, your mental health, your personal growth and development and not the things that don’t – your weight, size, or shape.

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