ladle by ladle

Is Body Positivity Promoting Obesity?

A concern I hear from time to time is that by promoting a weight stabilizing, non judge mental, and body positive model of recovery I am encouraging unhealthy lifestyles and promoting obesity. Most of the time the criticism comes from people who know very little about body positivity and are still deep in their eating disorder or in diet culture denial. They just somehow ~*know~* there must be something wrong with people being happy, even if they’re fat…

“Promoting obesity” implies that the goal of recovery and body positivity is to actively encourage everyone in the world to get fatter. The thing is, that is not a message I’ve ever heard or said. There is no one body type being promoted as the only way to be happy, recovered, or confident. The idea is simply that however your body looks, you are good enough. You are worthy of respect, happiness, and love. You are allowed to exist contently in that body. You do not have to waste your life forcing yourself into a different size to be worthy, you already are when you are at whatever size allows you to be free from your eating disorder and mentally at peace. That’s it.

The real issue of the promoting obesity argument is of course about “health”. It’s about the culturally engrained assumption that fat equals unhealthy. There is so much wrong with that assumption. First of all, you truly cannot tell a person’s health from just looking at them. You just can’t. You are not their doctor. You do not know their life. It is unfair and incorrect to assume that just because someone doesn’t fit into a societally ideal body that means they are automatically sick. Also, thinking that shaming someone with very thinly veiled faux concern will have a positive effect on their health is ludicrous. Even if you could tell someone’s entire medical history from looking at them, how does dehumanizing, humiliating and shaming them help? Mental health is just as important as physical. Recovery and body positivity communities do not “promote obesity”, we stand at the frontlines of deconstructing the idea that not being thin automatically makes someone ill or bad. Instead let’s all focus on being more empathetic and kind human beings who accept that some of us are naturally large, some are naturally slim, and some are in the middle – but that the most important concern is that we are happy. Because guess what? Everyone no matter what their size, is worthy of respect.

Fat people are allowed to exist. We live in a society that promotes a certain body type as the key to beauty, happiness, respect and self love. Just because the media portrays that though, doesn’t make it true. The reality is there is no weight gain industry selling pills, lollipops, teas, apps, or surgeries to be fat. Instead thinness is promoted and sold to us by the diet industry as the only way to be worth something. I am trying along with the body positive movement to change that narrative. We are not “promoting obesity” we are promoting happiness. I’m promoting the radical idea that you have permission to love yourself at a bigger size if it means you can be mentally freed from the prison of your eating disorder or of diet culture.

If you like this make sure to check out my youtube channel, instagram, and twitter for more self love, eating disorder recovery, and body positive content!

If you are interested in joining my private facebook group with other badass recovering, anti-diet culture warriors check out my patreon here.

Chronic Dieting vs. Eating Disorders

A question I am asked somewhat regularly is: what is the difference between chronic dieting and having a full-blown eating disorder? Or more accurately, eating disordered vs disordered eating.

I consider dieting disordered eating because it often comes with disordered red flags: Feeling that your Self-worth is related to the size of your body, body dysmorphia, exercise addiction, obsessive calorie counting, anxiety around food or specific food groups, inflexible meal times, refusal to eat in restaurants or outside of one’s own home, food restriction, and feelings of guilt or failure. In my opinion, the only difference really between the disordered eating patterns of a chronic dieter and a person with a full-blown ED is the degree to which these abnormal behaviors are taken. But even if the severity is lower in chronic dieters, it is still a major problem. It is still disordered. More dangerously, a chronic dieter is at a very high risk for developing a full-blown eating disorder. They also can experience symptoms of metabolic damage like gaining weight on restricted calories, osteoporosis, insomnia, and feeling weak and tired.

So, in my opinion there is a very small difference between chronic dieting and eating disordered people. Both issues can and should be recovered from. They can both be physically recovered from by eating to repair the metabolism and find your body’s set point. Fortunately, chronic dieters often won’t have as deep of a mental connection to the control of food restriction. While they may be anxious or depressed, the difference between a chronic dieter and a person with an eating disorder is that their anxiety and depression won’t be as inextricably linked to their body issues and need to control food so physical and mental recovery should come much easier. Having dieted for years and years and having an eating disorder are different, but not by as much as you think. Whether you fit into one category or the other you deserve recovery.

It’s hard to unlearn dieting behaviors especially when they are constantly reinforced by society around us every day, but it is possible. Getting out and recovery for a chronic dieter involves eating without any judgement or restriction and allowing your body anything it calls out for. Sweets, processed foods, fried food, a lot of food, food at weird times – whatever it needs to repair the damage that’s been done to your metabolism. Just like in any recovery weight gain will happen, but eventually as you continue to eat freely your hunger cues will normalize again and you will feel a connection to your hunger and satiety (a connection that is completely lost during a diet.)

Eliminate all categories and judgments such as “good” and “bad” when it comes to food. Allow yourself to eat all foods with the awareness that food is meant to be a positive, nourishing experience. It’s a long process – but it is so wonderful to have freedom and love within yourself once you’ve escaped.

Calorie Counting is Dumb

If you’re here, then you know that here at Ladle by Ladle we (and by we I mean me) are pretty anti-diet. One weight loss method above all is something that needs to be looked at under a bigger microscope. Calorie counting.

There is a dogma that exists in diet culture that claims, “less calories in, more calories out = weight loss!” I’m not here to say that isn’t true. Technically it is… but the bigger picture is so much more nuanced and problematic than that one catchy slogan would lead you to believe.

Let’s begin with the biggest problems with weight loss via calorie counting:

You lose track of natural hunger cues – when you abandon listening to your body’s needs in exchange for eating to numbers, you begin to lose all sense of what your body craves naturally. Soon enough, you lose the connection altogether.
It makes you obsess about food – constantly calculating how much you’ve eaten, how much you still can eat, how many calories are in a specific food or dish. It’s WAY too much focus on food in an unnatural way and not enough focusing on things that actually matter.
It’s not sustainable – like any fad diet or lose weight quick scheme, unless you develop an eating disorder, you will yo-yo up and down with your weight on this method just like any other method out there.
It treats your body and your food like a math equation – too many times I’ve done this, “If my BMR is X and my activity level is Y then I need Z calories to lose weight because one pound is 3500 calories and if I cut that many out over a week then I’ll lose a pound!” Right? Wrong. Your body does not run on math equations, your body is a living breathing biological set of systems that doesn’t adhere to these arbitrary numbers. Your body works to attempt to keep you at your set point. The metabolism which controls your BMR is not something you can calculate based on height and weight because there are so many other unique variables in the equation such as hormones, genetics, and digestion. The math will always be fuzzy so while you can equate your caloric needs over and over again nothing will be able to account for the actual physiology of your body and its unique needs.

Now, you might snap back at me with, “I dieted by counting calories and I DID lose weight!” Girl, same. Let me guess, you then either you got caught in an obsessive and continuously restrictive lifestyle or eating disorder, or you gained it all back, or you eventually stopped losing weight and started gaining weight despite not stopping the counting! I know it’s crazy, you can read more about that last one here.

Your metabolism works on a sliding scale to keep you at your set point weight. So if you“overeat” from your bodies signals your metabolism will rev up to compensate and vice versa if you under eat. However, if you happen to get the drive to overpower your body’s attempts to keep you at a stable weight, then you will be met by a lowered metabolism and be hungrier and hungrier and more and more miserable until you just eat!

Then there’s me. I counted calories like it was my damn job for years and years and years. I was so good at it, but it also completely controlled my life. As I counted my way into an eating disorder I knew that counting was not the answer. Eventually I decided to recover and ate thousands and thousands of calories a day. Yes, I gained weight – but I didn’t gain weight forever. Eventually my body plateaued right where it wanted me without me changing my caloric intake at all (with a little overshoot, because my body did not trust me). My hunger cues evened out so that now I can sit comfortably at my set point without counting calories or dieting or stressing and just living instead.

You think you’re controlling your food with calorie counting but really, it’s your food that is controlling you. Take back your life and wake up to the fact that calorie counting is just another diet culture lie, and we know better than that now.

Being Bigger Than Your Boyfriend

Do you feel self-conscious about being with a partner that is smaller than you?

You’re not alone.

I think a lot of people feel this particular insecurity. One of the many many factors that went into me wanting to lose weight so long ago was feeling uncomfortable about weighing significantly more than my ex. That was very dumb because the weight loss and subsequent eating disorder put a way bigger strain on our relationship than my insecurity ever did.

There is this common heterosexual relationship myth that the female should be smaller than the male. But like, why? Seriously, why? I have always been attracted to people who are smaller than me in some way. I can’t help who I like. My mom is taller than my dad and they’ve been married for over 30 years.

Image may contain: 2 people — My mom and dad ~ 1984

The feeling that you need to be smaller than your partner is one of those things that’s been pounded into our head over and over from the media and our culture. It’s silly though because if we limited the people we were allowed to love by certain classifications like race, gender, or size than we would miss out on the opportunity to be with incredible people who may have the power to love, shape, and change us forever.

If you’re worried about what other people are thinking about the two of you than you’re not thinking about your relationship the right way. If you’re truly in love or on your way to being in love than who the fuck cares what others think? You only need to seek validation from yourself and your partner. But mostly yourself.

Maybe you’re in a relationship with someone smaller and you are feeling a little uncomfortable or self-conscious in front of them. I get that. I have been guilty of covering my stomach, avoiding being on top, and other stupid shit like that. What I came to realize eventually is that my partner is not blind or dumb. They know what I look like and they chose to be with me NOT in spite of but likely because of it. It’s not that you’re someone’s fetish – because you are so much more than that. Your body is unique and beautiful, and your partner chose to be with you because they love you and everything you got going on. If you feel self conscious in front of them then to me that feels like you don’t fully trust them yet. You know what might help with that? Talking to them about it.

If you think you’re too heavy or gaining too much weight and that you’re partner won’t love you because of it – listen to me, it’s all in your head. If your partner didn’t want to be with you they wouldn’t. We’re all human we have free will. Any insecurity you feel comes from within. Take time to work on your self esteem and body positivity and realize that your partner is LUCKY to be able to touch your soft skin and beautiful body.

*IF A PARTNER EVER MAKES YOU FEEL SELF CONSCIOUS IN A NEGATIVE WAY OR VERBALLY ABUSES YOU ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT, LOOKS, OR ANYTHING ELSE – GTFO GIRL. Life is too damn short for that bullshit and there are plenty of other people who aren’t asshats out there for you.

Gaining Weight on A Low Calorie Diet

So, you’ve been restricting calories to lose weight. For whatever reason, perhaps because you have an eating disorder, because you think you need to look a certain way to wear a bathing suit, or because the media and our culture have forced you to look upon yourself with distaste and wish for something better. You’ve googled what to do and low-calorie diets and meal plans come up immediately. “If energy in is less than energy out and the pounds will melt right off!” the articles say.

Maybe that was you 1 year ago, and you tried the diet, and it worked! But then you couldn’t maintain the restrictive lifestyle (because who could??) so the weight came back on. Then you tried again. and again. Now you’re restricting your calories under the façade of a “diet” just like you did before but this time you are noticing that you’re gaining weight!! Why the fuck is this happening??

angry look whos talking now GIF — your metabolism @you

Well let me tell you – honey, your metabolism is mad.

When you attempt to lose weight quickly with low calorie meal plans, sure you lose some fat, but you ALSO lose muscle. Your muscle mass is the most important factor that keeps your metabolic rate high.

Let’s say before you started dieting you were able to maintain your weight easily on 2700 calories a day. (These numbers are just examples). Then you go on your first low-calorie diet and lose 10 pounds quickly. While that rapid weight loss is initially encouraging it is not as fantastic as you may think. You see, those 10 pounds include muscle loss. So after a few weeks when life gets in the way and the diet is no longer sustainable, the weight comes back on AND your metabolic rate has dropped from 2700 to 2300 because of the muscle loss. With each new diet your metabolic rate decreases even more until your maintenance calories are lower than your diet calories – hence why you will eventually gain weight on low calorie diets.

Unfortunately, this is a common problem and one of the reasons why the diet industry is an evil multi-billion-dollar industry. You see when these low-calorie meal plans work initially, people then blame themselves when they aren’t able to sustain them. Then they continuously attempt to recreate the results of the first time but every time you force starvation onto your body through the guise of a “diet” you are furthering metabolic damage. This is also why when the weight comes back on eventually, you gain more than you started with. It’s not your fault, it’s the lies of diet culture that “innocently” suggest unsustainable and dangerous meal plans on people desperate for a quick fix.

So, you’re in a metabolically suppressed state commonly known as “starvation mode” – what do you do? Well the first step is obviously to STOP low calorie diets. When I was stuck in this situation the only thing that worked for me was to eat eat eat until my metabolism caught up with me. No, your metabolism is not “broken,” I promise you that is impossible. Yes, I gained he weight back to where I was before I ever attempted my first diet… but I’m so much happier loving myself in this body than I ever was torturing myself in my calorie restricted body.

“Beach” Bodies???

Bikini Body Season. What the f#@! does that mean? Typically, it refers to the months in late spring/early summer right before the weather is right for pool parties, beach days, and barbecues (aka reasons to put on a bikini). Since diet culture attempts to make women feel like they don’t deserve to wear a swimsuit unless they have thigh gaps and visible rib cages – women spend this “season” dieting and working out in order to look good in waterproof underwear.

I know you already KNOW that I am going to say this but – The ONLY thing you need to do to achieve a “bikini” body is to put a damn bikini on your body!!

If someone cares deeply about the way other women look in a bikini that says a lot more about the character of the person judging than it does about the person enjoying their time at the beach.

If you feel pressured in any way to achieve a certain type of body just because you may be in a bathing suit in the upcoming months remember that it is not worth stressing over because this “expectation” is simply a product of diet culture. And may I remind you, DIET CULTURE IS BULL SHIT.

Don’t sacrifice your mental health for your physical health. You are not an object. Though the media may have you believe that the only reason to wear a bikini is for others to scrutinize you.

The truth is the only reason to wear a bikini is:

Because you want to

Our bodies should be celebrated and not hated. Every flaw or mark that separates your body from an airbrushed super model is a reminder of your journey and uniqueness. You are beautiful, and “beach body season” is bullshit.

Relationships in Eating Disorders and Recovery

Happy Valentines Day to all of you! I hope you have a wonderful day celebrating all of the love in your life. Love between family, friends, pets, and romantic partners! Being in a romantic relationship while suffering or recovering from an eating disorder is not an easy task. Often it is difficult for a partner to handle the stresses of the disorder by watching their loved one hurt themselves emotionally or physically. I’ve been with people through every stage of my journey and here is what I’ve learned.

When I got sick I was dating my now ex-boyfriend. Our relationship was long distance and he was with me when I developed anorexia, suffered from it, and made my first few attempts at recovery. Overall, he handled it pretty well and was very supportive but over time the stress and seemingly unending pain started to wear him down and after dating for almost three years he left me. (Whatever, I’m too good for him so it’s cool). From that experience I learned the following tips:

It’s okay to tell your partner what is going on with you and keep them included, but don’t turn them into your personal therapist. Don’t put absolutely every burden you are dealing with onto them (remember a lot of these thoughts are not your own, but originate from the disorder). A person may love you but everyone has their limits and one person cannot be responsible for handling all of your problems.
Allow them to cope however they need to. Everyone handles stressful and difficult situations differently and there is nothing wrong with that.
Don’t blame them for trying to help. Even if the help is unwarranted or not actually helpful. If you feel your partner trying to help you, be an effective communicator about what would be the best way for them to do that.
Make sure your partner can handle the stress of loving someone with a mental disorder. Sometimes people just can’t, and you cannot put your entire reasons for happiness into your faith in another being. You need to be okay relying on yourself and paid professionals.

I have been with my current partner for a little over 2 years and we are as happy as can be. I’m writing this as I stare at the beautiful flowers he had sent to my office. I am lucky to be recovered and to rarely ever flirt with a relapse, but nonetheless I now have the tools to be able to handle our relationship in a more mature way.

Happy valentines day everybody! Hold your person close, they love you (even if your person is your mom or your cat).

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