holidays

Vacation and Post-Vacation in Recovery

I just took a little 2-day trip to New Orleans for a friend’s birthday and while my brain and body slowly phase out of vacation mode and being drunk for 48 straight hours I thought it would be a great idea to write about how to handle vacations while in recovery from an eating disorder.

Vacation is of course meant to be a fun and relaxing or inspiring time spent away enjoying a new place with yourself or friends or family. However, I know that for people still struggling with their disorder or in recovery from it, vacation can be a lot more complicated than that.

When I was sick I would flat out opt out of fun trips just because of my food and exercise anxiety. When I was in quasi recovery I would go on trips but there would be days and weeks of research and stress beforehand. Each meal was a challenge, every day of rest was torture, and looking back I remember more mental stress than any enjoyment from those trips. After each trip there would be a few weeks of lowering my intake and upping my exercise to “make up” for some of my more indulgent meals. When I went into full recovery life became so much easier. Yes I was eating extreme amounts of food, gaining weight rapidly, and feeling constantly bloated and uncomfortable – but these temporary stresses and feelings allowed me to be able to eat whatever I wanted with no minimum or judgement. Therefor I was actually able to go places and have fun and focus on the trip itself because there was no need to overthink food or exercise.

So for those of you who are still working through some things, here are a few tips for you on vacation:

NO COMPARISON: You don’t want to ruin your trip by making comparisons that will only serve to make your eating disorder stronger. If you are feeling awkward, remember that people don’t really care what you are doing. They are more interested in what they are doing. We’re all narcissists and the only person who is judging you is yourself. So stop that.

Keep Your Food Expectations Realistic: The food is gonna be different than you’re used to. It’s gonna give you a “fear food” kind of reaction most likely. Most trips include eating out a lot and if you’re me, drinking a ton. Your eating won’t be perfect. It’s not supposed to be. There is literally no such thing as perfect eating anyway. Go into the trip knowing that you can’t control everything and be openminded.
Change Your Exercise Expectations: You shouldn’t be exercising anyway but if you’re going on a trip that involves a lot of walking (around museums or whatever) just realize that you are going to be a lot hungrier as a result of the extra calories you’ll naturally burn. Be ready for it and allow yourself to eat yummy delicious local food!

Okay… now let’s talk about getting home after vacation. Typically people with active EDs will feel strong urges to engage in compensatory behaviors. Compensatory behaviors are simply activities done in an attempt to make up for having been “indulgent”. They are an attempt to erase shame, anxiety, guilt or other “bad” feelings about the food eaten. This is of course very silly and unnecessary because there is nothing guilty or shameful about enjoying food and having fun. You do not need to reverse any “damage” because that’s not how your body works, It will regulate itself without you getting involved and f*cking sh*t up.

Some common behaviors are the misuse of laxatives, compulsive exercise, doing cleanses, fasting, or restricting calories for a period of time.

Here’s the thing – in ED recovery and then afterwards in life, you should begin to realize that your life is not a constant never ending game of calories in and out and that your body will be happiest when you’re just enjoying yourself. Going on vacation and perhaps overindulging is not “bad”, it is not shameful, it does not give you permission to starve yourself, hurt yourself, or be mean to yourself. It does you no good to make yourself feel bad about enjoying your life. By compensating after vacations you’re reinforcing the idea that your waistline is more important than your happiness. NO. Recovery means giving up that control, and loving yourself without judgement.

Listen, I just ate a ton greasy, yummy, fried and smothered southern food. I guzzled alcohol like a machine. I spent most of my trip sitting or lying down. Did I freak out the second I got home? Fuck no I went to Subway and got a bag of potato chips and a sub and put off packing in favor of binge watching Netflix in my bed. The next day life went on. I’m home. No weirdness, no guilt. Just great memories. As it should be.

New Years Resolutions (That Aren’t Weight Loss)

New Years Resolutions. Every year we see people around this time of year resolve to make a change in the next year, and unfortunately that change usually surrounds weight loss. Thousands of people determined to shed what they consider unnecessary weight typically through methods that are dangerous manifestations of the corporate, money grubbing, health ignorant, diet culture pervasive in our society.

Instead of resolving to change your beautiful body why not focus on something else this year? I’ve compiled a few ideas here.

Save Money
This is a great resolution because it’s easy to keep track of. At the end of the year it’s so gratifying to check your savings account and see your success! Plus you gain something valuable through it.

School Related
Maybe your aiming to work hard to get into college, or a graduate program. Maybe you need to focus on getting straight A’s all year. Achieving academic success is valuable, productive, and a good goal to execute.

New Hobby
Perhaps you want to start playing an instrument, or learn how to cook, or become really skilled at makeup? These are all great resolutions to work on! Starting a skill you’ve always wanted to master is an excellent and worthwhile goal.

Eco Friendly
You could make the decision to switch to veganism for the earth, the animals, and yourself. You could work on reducing your trash waste or converting to minimalism.

Mental Health
You could practice positive self affirmations and body positivity by working to truly love and accept your body for all that it is and all that it does for you. You could decide to seek help from a therapist, or vow to be more open about your struggles.

Finally, if you are suffering from an eating disorder this is the year that your resolution is to truly and honestly recover. No more quasi, no more excuses, no more reasons to wait. Recovering from an eating disorder started with a NY resolution for me in 2015 and in that year I started Minnie Maud, gained all my weight back, graduated from college, met amazing friends, had unforgettable experiences, started my career, and met my boyfriend. There is no greater choice than the choice to recover and get your life back. Make your year 2018.

No matter what your 2017 was like, it’s time to look ahead – and when you pick a resolution (if you even want to) make sure you focus on the things in life that matter, your relationships, your mental health, your personal growth and development and not the things that don’t – your weight, size, or shape.

Navigating The Holidays in Recovery

This week is American Thanksgiving which means lots of food, and lots of nosy relatives asking you insensitive and intrusive questions. If you are someone recovering from an eating disorder, any Holiday that is hallmarked by food can be difficult and triggering. When I was sick I definitely wanted to avoid these situations. But oftentimes you can’t and in truth you shouldn’t. The Holidays are not only about decadent food, they are also about taking the time to reconnect with your loved ones and enjoy each others company. It’s a shame to sacrifice that for any reason.

Here are a few tips I have for navigating this time – they can also be applied to any other time you are in a triggering or difficult food situation.

1 – Find a friend. Whether it’s a parent, cousin, sibling, or grandparent – find someone you trust who you can confide your fears to so you don’t feel isolated. Tell them you are recovering from an eating disorder. It is okay to let people in. There is no shame in what you are going through. This person can also hold you accountable and make sure that you eat – perhaps by filling their plate with the same food as you and having you both eat it together.

2 – DO NOT COMPENSATE. You don’t have to have a full on binge to have a successful Holiday, but if you do find that you eat an above average amount of food please remember that that is 100% NORMAL and you should not feel guilty, gluttonous, or sad. Food is yummy – holiday food is really yummy – and eating a lot of it is never wrong. That being said, do not eat less in preparation for this meal and do not eat less or nothing the next day in a compensatory way. Doing this not only sets your metabolism out of whack but also isn’t a healthy way of thinking about food and is a behavior you should be consciously working to correct anyways.

3 – When anyone makes a comment about your weight – positive or negative, do not internalize it. I know it can be hard to hear but others do not know what you are going through. I usually find that when someone is making comments on my weight or food choices it’s coming from a place of insecurity within themselves, which is sad but has nothing to do with you. Just try and remember that when it happens.

4 – Finally, be kind to yourself. I know that your disordered eating voice will be screaming at you when you face big fear foods, and you are so so brave for fighting through them in order to nourish yourself and enjoy your life. You can do this. You are strong and beautiful.

It isn’t easy to face your fears. It’s not silly or stupid to be afraid of a slice of pie, or helping of stuffing. However, it is irrational and counterintuitive so working through these fears is a must as you move forward in your recovery.

Have a happy Thanksgiving I hope you find these tips helpful! Let me know your favorite dish down in the comments! Mine is probably mashed potatoes, but my absolute favorite thing in the world is my mom’s apple pie.

If you can, please take a moment to like and subscribe to my youtube channel – I make videos discussing intuitive eating, eating disorder recovery, body positivity, veganism, and self love!

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